Marinette Saves the World
by Otoshigo
Summary: Through a series of unfortunate events, average and clumsy Marinette meets a boy from the future! Who says that he needs to have sex with her to save the world? Except no. Just... no. [scifi AU, crack-ish]


**A/N:** I honestly don't know exactly where this came from, but it's definitely ridiculous. Also, I wasn't sure how to rate this, because they sure talk a good game, but nothing happens? (Oops, spoilers?)

~o~

Marinette always had terrible luck.

Alya always teased her. Her parents always sighed in endearment. Her classmates always groaned. It didn't matter what day or what hour, something was bound to go wrong around the fifteen year old fledgling designer. Often times, it was something innocuous like tripping over her own shoes or forgetting a book at home. Other times, it was bad luck of truly epic proportions, which would then be repeated throughout the whole of the student body for weeks afterwards.

Yes, everyone knew about Marinette's bad luck.

However, nothing was quite as bad as one dreary morning in mid-October. It was a cool, gray day, perfect for coffee and hot chocolate. Students milled outside of the college gates, dressed for warmth in sweaters and scarves. Marinette was conspicuously missing and Alya had to assume that meant she slept through her alarm again. The blogger sometimes (unfairly) thought Tom and Sabine had their bakery right next to school to try to minimize Marinette's tardiness, but that did a fat lot of good. Finally, the warning bell rang and the students headed to their respective classes.

A half hour later, a young raven-haired girl burst out of the bakery doors and into the empty street. "Oh no, oh no, oh no!" she cried, flustered and panicked. Her long pink scarf whipped around her legs as she ran towards the school gates. "I can't believe this! I set five alarms!" she cried, jogging in place as she waited for the street light to turn in her favor. Once it went green, she burst into a run.

Which is when her most epic bad luck decided to ratchet it up a notch. Somehow or other, right in front of the entrance to the Metro, she somehow managed to step right on the hem of her scarf, causing her to trip and tumble. With a shriek, she fell and rolled down the flight of stairs, landing on the metro platform in an undignified heap. Miraculously, she managed to get out of the scrape with nothing more to show for it than cuts and bruises. And a very, _very_ dizzy spell. "I'm okay!" she declared to the empty platform, which was devoid of even a transportation attendant. Probably on break since it was after rush hour.

Trying to get her bearings, Marinette put a hand to the tiled wall as she caught her breath. Unbeknownst to her, a particular symbol in green, hidden by graffiti on the wall, began to glow. However, she did notice when the wall suddenly shook and caved underneath her palm, sending her tumbling again.

This time however, she didn't go very far as she simply tripped into a hollow cavern behind the wall. Lush bioluminescent vegetation sprouted around her, lighting up the darkness in hues of blue and green. At the edge of the cavern, a large, white eggshaped pod sat undisturbed. Something that certainly didn't look like it belonged in a Parisian metro station, but instead in some kind of futuristic movie. Despite all her better instincts, Marinette tread towards the pod, curiosity getting the better of her. "What is this?" she murmured to herself, putting a hand to the surface of the egg. It was warm under her touch, but smooth like metal.

Suddenly, something hissed, and she jumped back when the egg let out a mechanical rip and crack. The enormous egg split open down the middle, revealing a teen boy within illuminated in neon green. Marinette sucked in a sharp breath as she looked the blond haired boy over. He was _gorgeous._ His white futuristic suit did very little to conceal his lithe, toned frame, while his choppy blond hair framed a handsome face that could be on the cover of any fashion magazine. He suddenly stirred and his lashes fluttered open, revealing two peerless green eyes.

The boy blinked as he came to wakefulness, before his gaze focused on the girl in front of him. Eyes widening, he blinked again, staring at her in bewilderment.

"Uh... h-hello?" Marinette said with a weak smile and a wave. Did this boy even speak French? He looked like he came from a different planet entirely.

His lips spread into a smile, mirroring hers. "H-hello," he responded, pushing himself out of his illuminated bed to lean in towards her. "Are you a girl?"

"Um... I think so?" Marinette replied, her cheeks heating up with a blush. "I-I mean, yes! Yes, I am!" she added more loudly, too confused to be offended. But seriously, what kind of question was that?!

His eyes lit up, his smile only broadening. "Oh wonderful!" he cried, taking her hands in his. Then in a bright and earnest voice, he said, "Please, have sex with me."

Marinette's jaw dropped. "W-w-w-whaaaat?!" she shrieked, jumping back away from him. "No! Are you nuts?! NO!"

The boy's expression grew muddled with befuddlement, his face so innocent despite the crass thing he'd just spoken, "But, I was engineered to be the epitome of the male sex. Girls should be falling all over to have the chance to have sex with me."

"ADRIEN!" a small voice piped up from above them in outrage and exasperation. Marinette looked up to see two small bug-like creatures hovering above her. Honestly, not the weirdest thing she saw that day, so she didn't do more than give a small jolt. "That is not how you're supposed to woo a girl! We've told you a hundred times!" the little red bug chided, while the black bug only yawned and stretched.

"Tikki, I don't like lying," the boy, Adrien, frowned, his attention focused on the red bug. "Why would I want to conceal the fact that I intend to have intercourse with the girl as my end goal?"

"Because then no one will agree to, obviously," the black bug drawled.

"But if I just _explain_ it," the boy insisted.

"Um... I'm just... going to go now..." Marinette said, pointing over her shoulder to the hole in the wall. This was just a dream. A very, very strange dream. She was going to wake up any second now with five alarm clocks blaring at her, telling her she was late for school.

"No, wait!" Adrien said, once again focused on her. He took her wrist, eyes bright and slightly panicked. "Please don't leave! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you!"

"I... I have _school,"_ the raven haired girl said, testing his grip on her wrist. At the hopeless expression on his face, she conceded, "B-but I'll come back, okay? Can you wait until then?" Maybe she'd come back with reinforcements. Like a cop. Or a psychiatrist.

Adrien blinked, before he let his grip go slack. "Okay," he said softly. "You promise?"

"Um, yeah, sure," Marinette said, internally cringing. Weak. She was _weak._ "I'll see you later, okay?"

"Okay," the boy replied, sinking back into the pod, looking only a little bit like a dejected puppy. "Um, pretty girl, what's your name?"

"M-Marinette," she answered with a blush, watching the way he smiled brightly at her answer. Awkwardly, she coughed and said, "G-good-bye then. L-later." With that, she fled, hurrying out of the hole in the wall and out onto the platform. Behind her, she heard crumbling and tone and looked behind her to see that the wall had put itself back together. As if it hadn't been there at all. Only the faint glow of the green symbol lingered, before it too was disguised by the graffiti around it.

Staring at it for a moment longer, she suddenly remembered that she had class. A little sore and aching from her fall, Marinette dashed back up the stairs and to the front of her school. Mme Bustier gave her a chiding look as she entered class nearly 45 minutes late, taking her place next to Alya on their bench.

"Mari, what happened this time?" her bestie asked.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you," Marinette replied in a low whisper. Then she paused. "...But maybe I can show you."

"Show me?" Alya echoed, cocking an eyebrow.

Marienette nodded slowly. Maybe it was better to test this out with her friends before she went running to the police. "Grab Nino. I'll show you both at lunch."

By the time lunch rolled around, the young designer was fairly sure that she actually had dreamed the whole episode up. However, with Nino and Alya now committed, she had no choice but to lead them down to the metro platform.

"Um... don't tell me you somehow got on the train this morning," Alya said incredulously as Marinette studied the wall. However, she quieted quickly when her bestie pressed a hand against the wall, watching it crumble into the dark cavern. "W-woah," she breathed, her and Nino exchanging a look.

Inside the glowing room, the egg was still open. Its occupant looked up at the three as they entered, his expression brightening when he spotted Marinette. "Marinette!" he declared happily, jumping up to his feet to greet her. "I wasn't sure you were coming back!"

"Um!" Alya squeaked, her face bright red when she looked him over. "Why is he _naked?"_

He wasn't actually, but his white suit had been unzipped down to his navel and he'd pulled his arms out of the sleeves. This left the suit essentially hanging treacherously from his narrow hips. Marinette blushed when she realized that he wasn't exactly wrong about being a very fine example of the male specimen. _(Because hot damn.)_

"Oh, I was waiting for Marinette." Adrien replied, looking to the two newcomers. "Hi! I'm Adrien! And you are?"

"Alya," the blogger replied numbly.

"Nino," the class DJ replied, both eyebrows skyrocketing. He turned to Marinette. "You got abducted by a space kid this morning?"

At this, Adrien let out a bark of laughter. "Space? I'm not from space!" Marinette let out a faint breath of relief. That was the first remotely normal thing he'd said. Then just as cheerfully, he said, "I'm from the future!"

All three students stared at the blond in various stages of shock. "...Come again?" Alya squeaked.

"Oh, um, Tikki and Plagg could probably explain better," the blond said, turning back to the open pod. "Are you two going to come out?"

The red and black bugs reluctantly appeared, sending Adrien exasperated looks. "Kid, you can't just announce our presence everywhere," Plagg, the little black being sighed. "They don't have Knightclass-Watcher-Artificial-Macro-Intelligences in this time period!"

"Well, it's too late now," Tikki said with a weak laugh. "Besides, perhaps they could help?" The cheerful red bug turned to the three students. "You'll have to excuse Adrien. He's um... Well, he's spent his whole life in stasis while traveling back in time. He's not quite accustomed to all the social niceties of human interaction."

"Even though we've only told him a million times," Plagg muttered darkly.

"Plagg, hush, it takes practice," Tikki chided, before looking to the three. "We've tried to teach him as much as we can, but..." She sent the blond a small, amused smile.

"Oh... _sure..._ That makes... complete sense," Alya said, although her expression only grew more confused. "I'm sorry, exactly why is Adrien here again? Why are you all here?"

"To save humankind," the blond answered, butting in so they'd stop talking about him in third person.

"Ah, right," Tikki said. "How do I put this delicately...? Well, in the future, earth was all but wiped out with a virus that annihilated the human race. When they finally found a cure, it was too late to save civilization. So, Adrien was genetically engineered to be immune to the virus and was sent back here to... well..."

"Have sex?" Marinette suggested. That whole conversation this morning was starting to make a lot more sense now. In its own twisted way.

"To have babies," Plagg clarified, making all three students balk.

Whipping her head between the two AIs and Adrien, the designer's face erupted into a bright blush. "B-babies?! You wanted me to- Adrien, I'm not going to make babies with you! I'm too young for that! I'm only fifteen!"

However, the blond only blinked at her. "Right, but you're post-pubescent now, aren't you?" Reluctantly, Marinette nodded, getting a terrible feeling about this. Adrien only smiled. "Great! I am too!" he declared excitedly, putting a hand to his naked chest. "This means we can reproduce!"

"That's not what I meant by too young!" Marinette shrilled in reply, her face exploding with heat.

"Wait a minute, WAIT A MINUTE," Nino called out, putting his hands in the air. "Are you saying that this Adrien kid is humanity's last hope of survival?"

"Exactly," Tikki chirped.

"But he doesn't actually need to make babies with _Marinette_ specifically?"

"No, he _doesn't,"_ Plagg cut in sharply, causing the blond teen to wilt.

"Okay," Nino said, rubbing a hand against his chin, while everyone waited on him to formulate an idea. "I think I have just the solution."

That afternoon, the whole cohort walked out of the nearest sperm bank, mission _probably_ accomplished. Aside from teaching their charge in stasis the KWAMI were also fairly useful in manipulating energy to create items that would be useful for Adrien to survive in his timeline. Such as a fake ID for the clinic, along with modern day clothes so that he didn't stick out like a sore thumb on the street.

" _Whew,_ that was easy," Marinette said with a heavy sigh of relief. Of course, this meant she was off the hook. Not that she was completely sure how she got on it in the first place. Now the people who actually _wanted_ babies could take care of saving the world for them.

Behind the group, Adrien only pouted. "That wasn't nearly as satisfying or pleasurable as I was lead to believe," he said in an almost accusing voice as he glared at Plagg, who was hidden away in his shirt pocket.

"Of course not," the black KWAMI replied. "You need two people if you want to get the full experience out of it. See, when you have two human bodies, there's an extra physiological response to the pheromones-"

"Can you please stop filling his head with all that nonsense?" Alya cut in sharply. "Jeez, no wonder his mind's all warped."

The small group paused at the road, awkwardly looking to Adrien. "Well, I guess you'd better get on your way then!" Marinette said in forced-cheerfulness. "Mission accomplished, right? You don't want to be late getting to the, um, future."

However, the blond just blinked. "Oh," he said, looking to Plagg and Tikki who had come out of hiding. "Umm... that's actually a one-way trip. I can't go back to the future."

Nino stared at him. "Wait, but- what about your parents? Your family? Don't you need to go back to them?"

"As far as he's concerned, he was born in a test tube," Plagg said, earning himself a nasty look from all the girls. His hackles rising, he said defensively, "What? It's true. He's got nothing to look forward to there. He doesn't even remember any of it. Besides which, who knows if that clinic won't go up in flames tomorrow? Adrien has to stay here and make sure that he's doing everything he can to save the human race. Which means more of those clinics and then having his own."

"Well he can't have kids _now,"_ Marinette protested. "He's not even old enough to be married!" It was also a very near thing that Adrien managed to pass as 18 with his fake ID with as young as he looked. There was also the matter of him being entirely too- too _naive_ to even be able to take care of himself, much less anyone else.

"What does babies have to do with marriage?" Adrien frowned.

"It's a general social norm of this era," Tikki explained dutifully. "The married couple childrears their young together." Adrien's lips formed into a small 'o'. Then, worryingly, his gaze focused on Marinette once more, his eyes considering. Oh no. He was probably getting some weird idea again. (And _why_ did he keep focusing on her?)

"Well, that's fun and all!" the designer said, perhaps a little bit too loudly. "Good luck with everything! I hope it all goes well! I need to go home and do- stuff!" Then she stiffly spun and took Alya by the arm, ready to make a hasty retreat.

"Hey, wait!" Adrien called, but the pair of them were already speeding away. Only Nino stood by him, casting him an incredulous look as the blond pouted childishly. He looked as though he'd just been deprived of his favorite pookie.

"Sorry, dude, I think you scared her with all that sex talk," the DJ said, giving him a consoling pat on the shoulder. "But y'know, if you're stuck here, do you need a place to stay or...?"

"We'll take care of him. Don't worry," Tikki said kindly, smiling at the other boy. "That's why we're here."

"Ah gotcha." Nino paused again, not quite satisfied. "Okay, but if you need any advice or anything, you could give me a ring. Do you have a cellphone?"

"I, er..." Adrien paused as a silver flip phone fell into his hands from nothing. Tikki smiled above him. "...I guess I do."

"Cool, old school," the DJ laughed, taking the phone to save his contact information. "Here's my number. Just call me whenever, okay? And try not to hit on any more girls like that." With a grin and a wave, he departed, leaving the teen from the future and the two KWAMI to their own devices.

"Congratulations! You made a friend!" Tikki said cheerfully, giving the blond a fond pat on the head. "You're starting to settle in already."

"First we need to get him a place to sleep," Plagg reminded her, raising an eyebrow. "That empty residence from our research should be nearby according to our coordinates. We can commandeer that. Get him fed and settled. Then _perhaps_ the kid can try his luck again."

"But I want Marinette."

Both KWAMI looked in surprise down at their charge. "Kid..." Plagg frowned, "You completely blew your chances with her. Just give it up and move on." However, the blond only gave him a petulant look. "Adrien, you're not a _bird._ You don't have to imprint on the first person you see!"

For her part, Tikki only smiled secretly to herself. "Let's discuss this later. For right now, we need to take care of your needs. Adrien, follow us."

~o~

Marinette didn't think much of their new immigrant from the future over the next couple of weeks. She was aware of him, sure, since Nino seemed to be in constant contact with him and regularly gave them updates on his comings and goings. So far, no new girl on his arm. Not a _huge_ surprise there, to be perfectly honest. It was going to take more than a couple weeks for that boy to learn tact.

Then one morning, her infamous bad luck got her again. Not quite as epic as before, all she did was trip over her own shoes as she read her homework while walking. Causing her to tumble and collide into the nearest student. "Wah! I'm sorry!" she cried, looking up in apology. Only to freeze at the familiar handsome face.

"Hi Marinette!" Adrien beamed at her.

"A-Adrien! What are you doing here?!" she cried in panic. His arms were loose around her from catching her, but firmly locked around her hips.

"Hey, dude," Nino called out approaching the pair of them. "I think you can let go now."

Adrien complied, however reluctantly, allowing Marinette to escape. He started as if poked in the side, before he nodded and took out some cue cards. "Marinette, hello," he read in a deadpan voice. "Did I make you uncomfortable?"

...What on earth?

"...A little, yeah," she admitted, playing along.

Adrien blinked again, looking up in startlement. Then a faint blush spread across his cheeks as he grew genuinely contrite. "Okay, Yes cards... I'm very sorry for making you uncomfortable," he read off the next card. "Let me make it up to you by-" he flipped a card, "taking you back to my place where we can-" He frowned. "Oh oops, I think I got these in the wrong order," he said, growing flustered as he shuffled his cards around.

"He means well," Nino tried to assure Marinette with a weak laugh.

 _But why is he so weird...?_ Marinette lamented as the future-boy finally got his cards right.

"Let me make it up to you by taking you out for coffee," Adrien finished, before he looked up to Marinette hopefully.

"...Do you know what coffee is?" the designer asked hesitantly.

"Um, yes! Coffee is a brewed drink prepared from roasted coffee beans, which are the seeds of berries from the Coffea plant. The origin of coffee dates back to the 10th century, and possibly earlier with a number of reports and legends surrounding its first use. The native origin of coffee is thought to have been Ethiopia. Coffee is slightly acidic and can have a stimulating effect on humans because of its caffeine content," the blond answered, as if he were being quizzed on a test.

"You've never drunk it, have you," Marinette said flatly.

"Uhh... no," Adrien admitted, his cheeks warm.

Nino glanced between Marinette and Adrien, possibly privy to a lot more than he was telling. "Well~ we could _all_ go out for coffee and he can try it," he suggested, patting both Marinette and Adrien on the back. Marinette glared at the DJ in betrayal. "Oh come on, Mari. He needs the practice."

"What, practice getting into a girl's pants?" Marinette asked dryly.

Adrien looked between Nino and Marinette, before whispering a little too loudly to Nino, "Why would I need to get into a girl's pants?"

"It's slang for trying to have sex with her," Nino replied back.

"Ohhh~" Adrien intoned.

"You know I can hear you, right?" Marinette said, glaring at the pair of them.

"Okay, it's fine though. He's not doing that, right?" Nino said, elbowing Adrien in the ribs.

"...I don't like lying, Nino," the blond replied with a frown. The DJ sent him an exasperated look, while Marinette's glare only worsened. At her expression, Adrien looked at his cue cards again, "Um, I'm sorry Marinette. Are you uncomfortable again? Because I've only got the one set of cards and-"

"Adrien! I'm not a walking vagina!" Marinette shrieked with a stamp of her foot. Somehow, she managed to catch the attention of almost the entire student body, while they all turned to stare at the girl who made such a provocative statement.

"Well... technically you are..." Adrien pointed out innocently.

An audible gasp went through the crowd. Even Nino's jaw had dropped. The fact that he was too naive to know any better didn't save him, as Marinette's hand rose and she sent a sharp slap across his face. Adrien went white with shock, his eyes wide, as his fingers raised to trace over his reddening cheek. Suddenly tears sprung from his eyes, chin trembling as he began to hiccup.

"Oh great going!" a familiar voice of a black KWAMI hissed from inside Adrien's shirt pocket.

"Me, what did I do?" Marinette protested. However, she didn't get an answer as Adrien spun away and fled from the school gate.

"Um... you don't think that's the first time he ever got hurt, do you?" Nino asked slowly, sending a wave of guilt over the young designer.

"Wh-then he shouldn't have said something so insulting!" she spluttered defensively.

"Yeah, but I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know what he's saying half the time. Not really," the DJ tried to explain, earning himself a glare. "N-not that it's an excuse! He shouldn't have said it! It's just... maybe he just needs an explanation instead of a slap in the face...?"

Another dark wave of guilt washed over Marinette, who suddenly felt sick to her stomach. However, her stubborn temper wouldn't let go so easily. "W-well, someone has to slap some sense into him sometime," she replied mulishly, turning on her heel to find Alya to hash out her latest encounter with future-boy.

Meanwhile, Chloe Bourgeois and Sabrina Raincomprix looked on the encounter in interest. "Who was that gorgeous boy talking to the class klutz?" Chloe asked aloud to herself. "Sabrina, go find out."

"Of course, Chloe," the redhead replied, already taking notes on her phone.

~o~

Over the next couple of weeks, Marinette's guilt over her last encounter with the blond didn't dissipate in the slightest. In hindsight, she knew that she had probably overreacted, knowing how socially inept Adrien was. She wanted to know how the boy was doing, but for some reason or other Nino wasn't talking about him anymore (probably because he thought she wouldn't want to hear it) and she felt too awkward to ask.

Which was how she begged Alya to ask Nino for her. "But don't tell him I asked!" Marinette insisted. Alya had simply rolled her eyes at that and agreed. When she came back, she reported:

"Well, he doesn't have a new girl on his arm, if that's what you're asking," her bestie said slyly, causing Marinette to blush.

"It's not," she retorted flatly.

"Oh, I know. I know," Alya laughed, before she became more grave. "But in all seriousness, he does sound like he's in a funk. Tikki and Plagg wanted to take him to England and Belgium to um, y'know," she coughed delicately, "visit some clinics there, but he doesn't even want to leave the house. I think you left quite an impression on him..."

At this, Marinette groaned, "But _why?_ How come I'm the one he's so focused on?"

"Well, you _did_ find him first," Alya reasoned. "That kind of makes him your responsibility."

"...If you're suggesting that I sleep with him," Marinette growled, her eyes narrowing.

"Of course not!" Alya cried, raising her hands, "You know I wouldn't! I'm just saying... he's a little bit like a puppy you found on the side of the road. A puppy that can happen to save the world. He just needs to be housetrained, that's all."

Thinking about it, she couldn't exactly disagree with the analogy. In fact, he did remind her of a very large golden retriever at times. So bright, so eager to please, so unbelievably _dumb._ It was just too bad he wasn't actually a dog, so she could neuter him.

After wrestling with indecision, she muttered, "I suppose I could go and talk to him. If he'll see me. I don't suppose Nino knows where he lives?"

Alya grinned, "I'm sure Nino can find out." She put her hands on Marinette's shoulders, giving her a squeeze and an encouraging smile. "Don't worry, Mari. I got your back. We won't let you go into the lion's den on your own."

"Thanks, Alya," Marinette grinned.

With that decided, Nino managed to wrest an address out of Adrien without telling him of their motives. No one really knew how the boy would react if he knew that Marinette was coming over. (A small part of them suspected candles and a carpet of rose petals.) However, as they rolled up to future-boy's residence, all three quickly realized that he was not exactly left wanting when they came up to the gates of a Parisian mansion.

"...I guess we just ring?" Nino suggested, looking at the rather intimidating security system in place. He pressed the buzzer and they all waited.

That was when they heard a stoic, cold voice over the line. "State your busine-" Then the voice suddenly crackled and was replaced with a far more familiar one. "Oh great! The ruiner's here," Plagg's voice grated over the intercomm. "Go away, girl. You've already done enough damage." All three blinked, before Marinette pointed questioningly at herself. "Yes, you!"

"Plagg, don't be like that!" Tikki cut in abruptly. "Marinette, Nino, Alya. Please come in. Adrien will be very happy to see you." The gates creaked, seeming to struggle for a moment, before bearing open to the three. Cautiously, they entered the estate's courtyard, heading up the steps to the large double-doors to the mansion.

Inside, the grand marble foyer was stark and imposing with black and white accents. It looked mostly unlived in and possibly was until Adrien took up residence. To their surprise they found a well dressed, imposing figure standing with hands crossed at the top of the stairs. He was so motionless that he looked like a statue at first. His severe face, immaculate clothes and tight posture did not help the image.

"Er... hello?" Alya waved at the man.

The man's eyes flicked down in their direction. "State your business," he said, the same cold voice that had greeted them at the door. No one quite knew what to make of him. He didn't look like a butler, but they didn't know why he would be around.

That was when a door up on the second floor opened up, revealing Adrien dressed up in his futuristic white suit. "Is Nino here?" he asked of the man, before his eyes trained on all three of his guests. His face went ashen when he saw Marinette and he hid behind the strange man, like a toddler hiding behind his father.

When it was apparent he wasn't going to come out of hiding, Nino called out, "Hey Adrien! We just thought we should visit! How you doing, buddy?"

A long pause passed. "...I'm fine," the future-boy replied from behind the cold man, who still hadn't moved throughout the exchange. However, he made no move to come out of his hiding spot.

All three students exchanged a look, before Marinette reluctantly spoke up. "H-hello Adrien. Just wanted to check in on you. Nino says you've been a bit blue since you, um, visited our school. You want to come out so that we can talk to you properly?"

Another long beat. Then in a small voice that nearly broke her heart, the boy asked, "A-are you going to hit me again?"

The guilt that had settled over her shoulders suddenly collapsed onto her like a twenty-tonne weight. "No!" she replied quickly, taking a couple steps up the stairs towards him. "No, I promise, I'm not going to slap you again. I-I mean, unless it's in self-defense or something. I won't hit you for anything you say again. I'm sorry."

At this, Adrien finally peeked out from behind the robotic man, his eyes shyly looking down in her direction as a faint blush spread across his handsome cheeks. It made Marinette's stomach squirm unexpectedly. Gah, he really was dangerously cute. Mentally shaking the thought off, she smiled at him and gestured to the man standing in front of him. "So... who's this?"

"Oh, this is my parental unit," Adrien replied, fully stepping out from behind the odd man. "Tikki made him." He elbowed the man in the ribs. "Say hello Pere."

"Hello Pere," the severe man echoed robotically.

Adrien frowned at the unit, while the three stared awkwardly at it. Okay, robot dad. All things considered, not the strangest thing in the world. "Hmm, I'll tinker with him later," the boy decided, before he turned an excited smile on his guests. "I'm really happy you came." Then he looked unsurely up in the air. "Um, Tikki, Plagg? What do I do?"

"Give them snacks/Kick them out" the voices said simultaneously over the house intercomm. Adrien frowned, waiting until the small KWAMI appeared in person from their separate corners of the immense mansion. "Ah excuse us!" Tikki said, smiling as she appeared. "We haven't quite worked out the integration in the residence's system yet." Then to Adrien she said, "Adrien, common practice is to offer your guests hospitality. See if they need anything like food or drink."

Adrien nodded slowly, before he turned to his guests. "Okay, do you want anything to eat or drink?" he asked excitedly, somehow bringing back the novelty despite his instruction with his sheer enthusiasm.

"Got any gelato?" Alya asked, causing Nino and Marinette to stare at her. "What?" she said defensively. "They're from the future. Why wouldn't they be able to just zap me some gelato?"

Adrien's mouth stretched into an amused smile. "She's not wrong. My chef unit can make you anything you like. Alya, _vuole fragola? Nocciola? Frutti di bosco?"_ he asked in perfect Italiano. It made everyone blink. "Oh sorry, French then," Adrien said, contrite. "What flavor would you like?"

"You speak Italian?" Nino asked, astonished.

"He speaks all languages," Plagg said, finally making his appearance. He case a disparaging look over the three. "We didn't quite know where he would end up and he needs to travel regardless. Even though he seems dead set on hiding here," he added, his voice dripping with venom as he looked on Marinette.

"Plagg, be polite," Tikki chided. However, the black KWAMI only snorted and folded his arms over his tiny chest. Despite Plagg's inhospitable attitude, Adrien made sure to fulfill each of his guest's specific desires. Inevitably though, he gravitated back towards Marinette. Unsure, at first, but then he seemed to be all over her as they sat down in front of the large screen TV in his room (the only room in the house that looked remotely lived in).

Marinette tried so, _so_ hard to remind herself that Adrien was a puppy, as the ridiculously handsome boy practically draped himself over her. No, more like a kitten actually. A very needy kitten with puppy-like tendencies. "U-um, Adrien, it's a little hard for me to eat," she said as she wriggled underneath Adrien's rather overwhelming affection, which manifested in him leaning all over her left arm and shoulder.

"I could feed you," Adrien replied innocently enough, although Marinette couldn't help but question if this was some kind of play. He was certainly a very tactile person. Then again, he wasn't exactly splaying himself all over Alya.

Alya herself finally spoke up. Coughing, she said, "Adrien, I don't think Marinette likes you leaning all over her like that."

Adrien blinked in startlement at that. He turned to look up at the raven haired girl. "Is that true?"

"Um... yeah, actually," Marinette replied, giving her friend a grateful look. "Look, you're more like a-a friend, okay? This is just... a little much..."

"Friend?" Adrien echoed, looking between Nino and Marinette. "I thought a friend is a companion you don't have sex with."

"Right!" Marinette affirmed quickly. "I'm someone you don't have sex with! I'm just a friend, okay? Nothing more."

Adrien scrunched his nose, thoroughly dissatisfied with this assessment. "Marinette, you're more than that to me," he said, his voice so soft and sincere that it sent a warm tremble over her skin despite herself.

"R-right, maybe to you," Marinette said, "But to me, you're a friend, okay? So that means no sex."

Adrien's frown only grew. "You _don't_ want me to have sex with you," he said, finally understanding.

"Yes!" Marinette cried in relief. "For many reasons that I've already told you. I really don't want to have sex with you. But, I'm happy enough to be your friend. Okay?"

For a long minute, Adrien was completely silent and Marinette had the distinct feeling that she was being observed by more than just Alya and Nino. It felt like the entire house was watching her. Finally, Adrien nodded. "Okay," he agreed, finally dislodging himself from the designer's side. "Then I won't have sex with anyone, if I can't with you."

"W-wait a minute!" Marinette protested, while Alya and Nino broke into laughter. "That's not how that works!"

"Well, he's loyal at least," Alya teased.

"Kid!" Plagg cried, exploding from his silent vigil over the blond. "You can't just blueball the fate of the human race! You're just being irresponsible!"

However, Adrien only shook his head stubbornly. Marinette had the feeling that they had this argument many times before. The blond looked to the designer, lips spread into a small smile. "You're the only one I want, Marinette," he said in a soft voice.

Despite herself, Marinette blushed and the squirming in her stomach only grew more volatile. However, she managed to collect her wits enough to ask, "Why?"

"Why?" Adrien echoed in confusion.

"Yes, why. You don't know anything about me. So you're obviously not in love with me," Marinette reasoned. "There needs to be more than you just think I'm pretty. Not to mention, you've only met two girls, Adrien. You might change your mind."

"No, I won't," the blond denied quickly, even as he continued to frown. Either dissatisfied or perplexed. Possibly both.

"Yes, you can," Marinette said with a firm nod. "And it's okay. There's nothing wrong with that." She took a moment to consider. "...But I suppose it's not a bad thing for you to wait anyway," she decided, patting Adrien on the head like a pet. "You still have a lot to learn."

"Well, could start by taking him out on the town," Alya suggested. "Maybe next weekend? The more human interaction the better. And Tikki and Plagg can take you out to, uh, travel, throughout the week."

Adrien looked between all three of them, still clinging to Marinette's side. "Is that what you want, Marinette?" he asked, looking up to the raven haired girl.

Eager to please, golden retriever puppy. Marinette sighed mentally, before she gave him a smile. "Yes. I'd like it very much if you went out and interacted with the world. It'll be good for you. Okay?"

Future-boy nodded slowly. With that decided, the three students finally departed from the mansion, leaving Adrien to his own devices. He looked at the double-doors for far longer than necessary, his face embroiled in a pensive expression. "Tikki, Plagg? What is love?"

Plagg only groaned at the question. "Something you have no business bothering with," the black KWAMI replied. "It's gross and icky and makes you do completely irrational things. Things completely detrimental to your mission."

Tikki, however, had other thoughts. "I'm not sure that we can fully explain it, Adrien," she countered, patting the blond on the shoulder. "It's something that only humans experience. However, from what I've heard, it's absolutely wonderful."

Adrien nodded slowly, his eyes flicking back to the door. Marinette wanted to be just friends. Marinette said he wasn't in love with her. Somehow, this tied into her not wanting to have intercourse with him.

He was going to have to learn about this love thing as much as possible.

~o~

The next weekend arrived sooner than Marinette anticipated. Before she knew it, she was getting ready to meet her friends and Adrien for a touristy day out in Paris. She just hoped that Adrien grew up just a little bit already from his travels abroad, but she wasn't exactly counting on it. It was going to be an especially interesting excursion, since Adrien insisted that he wanted to do this without Tikki and Plagg watching over him. Which meant no KWAMI keeping him in check.

Her phone buzzed with Alya's message: _We're here!_

Marinette squashed a nervous flutter in her chest, before she bounded down the stairs to the bakery. There she found Nino, Alya, and Adrien being greeted and plied with sweets by her parents. "Maman, Papa, we're going to eat later!" she said, trying to ignore the way that Adrien's gaze honed in on her.

"There's nothing wrong with a little snack for the road," her mother smiled, handing her friends (and Adrien) a croissant. "Now, you have fun!"

Sighing, Marinette nodded and waved them all out. Adrien let out a happy hum as he devoured the pastry, but soon enough his attention was entirely focused on the young designer. "Hi Marinette, how are you?" he asked brightly. "Can I hug you?"

"I... sure..." she replied, seeing no way to argue that it wasn't a friendly gesture. Adrien just about glomped onto her, squeezing her tightly. A warm tingle went all through her as his nose pressed into her neck and he breathed in her scent. "Whoa, okay, that's enough," she said, gently pushing him away. "So, did you have a fun time in England and Belgium?"

"Yes! People were very nice, although the weather's a little gloomy in England," Adrien replied. "I'm much happier now that I can see you," he added, in that same innocent tone that couldn't be anything but sincere.

Marinette tried to ignore Nino and Alya's sly looks, even as she fought down a faint blush. "W-well, that's good. Good then. So, how about we go to Montmartre first?"

Thus the four headed out to rediscover Paris. With the cold of winter beginning to set in, Paris was fairly empty of tourists. It allowed them to head all over the city to see Notre-Dame, the Tour Eiffel, Musee d'Orsay, Les Invalides, and the Louvre. The Louvre itself was a little awkward as they passed by masterpieces of naked men and women locked in amorous embrace.

Adrien was particularly intrigued by Psyche Revived by Cupid's Kiss, two young bodies carved to life out of cold marble. Cupid lifts his beloved Psyche in a tender embrace, his face close to hers. Psyche lets herself sink slowly backwards, languorously taking her lover's head between her hands. It was beautiful. It was so, _so_ awkward.

"Is this love?" Adrien suddenly asked, turning to his companions.

"It's one of the most famous love stories out there," Alya replied, looking over the statue. "Cupid was supposed to kill Psyche, but instead he fell completely in love with her. He saves her and takes her away, then makes love to her every night but doesn't allow her to see him face. Well, she got curious and looked at him, betraying him. He flees and she goes off in search of him, putting herself at Venus' mercy. However, in her last task, which is this now, she ends up breathing in deadly vapors from a flask from the underworld. Despite being betrayed, Cupid comes to find her and revives her with a kiss. Then, Zeus turns Psyche into the goddess of the Soul, and Cupid and Psyche marry."

The future-boy nodded, taking all this in. Which is when he asked the rather awkward question, "So, he fell in love just by looking at her? How did he know? How did she know?"

"Uh... w-well, because he's a God of Love, obviously," Alya replied, suddenly realizing that this might not have been the most productive line of conversation. "I mean, if anyone would know, he would. Besides, he saves her life, doesn't he?"

"So if you save someone you're in love with them?" Adrien blinked.

"N-not necessarily...?" the blogger answered, feeling herself begin to sweat as she felt Marinette glaring daggers into her. "Look, it's an old greek myth anyway. It's not exactly a great example of what modern-day love is like."

The blond let out a resigned sigh at that, turning his attention back to the statue. Then his gaze focused on the designer. "Marinette, can I kiss you?"

" _No,_ Adrien," she sighed, turning away from the statue and from the boy's wilting expression. "Come on, let's get lunch. I'm starving."

Over said meal, it came out that Adrien's interest in love was more than just a passing fancy. Apparently, he'd been trying to study it, which he was finding to be more than a little difficult to do on his own. Marinette only grew more uncomfortable as she listened, since it was so completely obvious what his motivations were in his research. Still, it wasn't like she could say he _shouldn't_ learn about love.

"So, Tikki and Plagg got me some movies to watch to try to learn about it," Adrien explained as he picked at his steak-frites. "So far, everything's so confusing and contradictory. I've already gone through Amelie, Heartbreaker, Romantics Anonymous, Semen Demons, Beauty and the Beast. Nothing's given any kind of good explanation."

"What, not Blue is the Warmest Color?" Alya asked with a secretive smile.

"Um, I'm not allowed to watch that one for some reason..." the blond frowned, oblivious to Alya's amusement.

"...I'm sorry, what was that second to last thing you said?" Marinette said, only just picking that up from the list.

"Hm? Oh Semen Demons," Adrien replied innocently. "That was one of Plagg's picks. He also wants me to watch Taboo, Return to Planet Sexxx, Pumping Irene, Jada Fire is SquirtWoma-"

"Oh my God!" Marinette shrieked, covering her ears with her hands, her face erupted into a bright blush. The blond only looked alarmed at her reaction, while the other two unhelpfully began to howl with laughter. "Adrien! That's porn! He's making you watch porn!"

"...Is that a bad thing?" Adrien asked, looking to Nino for confirmation. "They have it at all the sperm banks. The nurses said it was a perfectly normal thing for boys to have."

"Whoa, hey, don't drag me into this!" the DJ replied, putting his hands up defensively as both the girls' eyes trained on him.

"It's a bad thing if you're trying to learn about love," Alya answered, saving Nino from further embarrassment. "Porn is just about the least romantic thing on the face of the earth. It's all about lust, not love."

Adrien frowned at this new information. "But then why would..." He suddenly gasped. "Sabotage!" At their confusion, he elaborated. "Plagg doesn't want me to learn about love. He thinks it's unnecessary."

"U-unnecessary?!" Marinette cried out in horror. Good God, no wonder her puppy was so messed up! "Adrien, love is one of the most important parts of being human. Family love, friendship, kindness, compassion, romance. It's what makes us more than animals. You can't just go without it." She blushed at her own enthusiastic outcry, the heat worsening as Adrien looked on her with something akin to awe. Leaning back, she coughed lightly, "W-well, it's good you're learning about it, despite what Plagg says. Although I don't know if you're going to get any good answer from movies."

"Where would I learn then?" he asked, looking on Marinette as though she held the key to the universe. It was a little overwhelming.

"I, uh... Books. Literature," she said, once again fighting down the heat that threatened to spread across her cheeks. "I mean, we basically study it in school."

" _Le Grand Meaulnes,"_ Alya said, inspired. "What about that one?"

"Er... you think that might be a little complex for him?" Nino asked uncertainly.

"The more complex the better. It's going to take him ages to figure out at this rate," the blogger reasoned.

Adrien was once again frowning. "I'm not stupid, you know," he said and Marinette figured that he was beginning to suspect he was being treated with kid's gloves. It was hard not to, when he had all the emotional intelligence of a three year old.

"No one's saying you're stupid," Nino said quickly, holding his hands up in placation. "Y-you're just, uh... simple! As opposed to complex. You know?"

As the blond's glower worsened, Marinette interjected herself into the situation before it became ugly. " _Le Petit Prince,"_ she said, catching all of their attention. "I have that and Meaulnes at home. Adrien, you can borrow both of them. I have some other more lighthearted books too, in case those get to be too much."

"Too much...?" Adrien asked, suddenly concerned.

"They're... heavy," she tried to explain. At the blond's perplexed look, she smiled, "I suppose you'll see."

~o~

At first, Adrien thought that Marinette might have just meant the books were physically heavy, since she loaded him up with a backpack's worth of books to read through. Along with _Le Petit Prince_ and _Le Grand Meaulnes,_ she passed off to him _Notre-Dame de Paris, Le Comte de Monte-Cristo, Les Trois Mousquetaires, Papillon,_ and several books by Jules Verne _._

Now though, he began to understand what his friends (and Marinette) were talking about. In a way that no film could possibly convey, he grew immersed in the words and the worlds within the stories. They had a power over him, making his body physically react in ways that he never had before. It felt as though his heart was opening, only to be mercilessly shattered.

After _Le Petit Prince,_ it felt as though his heart had been ripped to shreds.

After _Le Grand Meaulnes,_ his very soul was aching.

Tears dripped readily from his eyes, though he couldn't understand why, staining the pages of the books as his hands shook. If this was love, then why would anyone ever do this to themselves? Why would anyone want to put themselves through so much pain? He would have actually prefered being struck in the face again, as opposed to _this._

His KWAMI stewards watched this unfold with varying stages of concern.

"I knew it. I knew it! That girl's going to ruin him," Plagg growled as they watched the blond curl up in bed, sobbing silently into a pillow. "We should have never let him go by himself."

Tikki frowned as well, though her expression was more pensive. "I don't think this is a bad thing," she decided as her lips drew into a smile. "I think he's just growing up."

~o~

Alya was a little... _concerned,_ when the group met up with Adrien next. The future-boy was positively sulky when they met up outside Marinette's bakery, glaring at the her and Nino as though they had just killed his cat. His mood matched the gloomy and cold December air almost perfectly.

"So, uh, how did the reading go?" Nino asked uncertainly.

"The books made me cry," the blond said, his tone nothing short of dark and accusing.

Alya might have laughed at the absurdly sweet and innocent statement, but it didn't seem like the boy would really appreciate it at the moment. "W-well, that's a good thing, isn't it?" she asked, sharing a quick look with her boyfriend. "That means you're feeling something."

"Oh yeah, great. If I want to feel awful, I'll just go to you two for advice again," Adrien replied sharply, his eyes narrowing.

Sarcasm. Wow, that was new.

However, the pair scarcely had time to react when Marinette opened up the door to the shop and greeted them with a smile. "Hi everyone! Maman and Papa made some macarons for us. Feel free to have some."

At once, the glowering expression over Adrien's face melted away when he saw Marinette. His fingers gently touched his own chest and the boy looked utterly bewildered.

"Adrien, something wrong?" Marinette asked.

"It stopped hurting," Adrien said.

The designer cocked an eyebrow. "What did?"

His green eyes darted up to hers. "My heart."

Marinette's face grew warm with a blush, more than a little affected by his words, though she'd probably deny it later. Adrien was still kind of a dolt when it came to these things, but Alya could tell that he was starting to wear her bestie down. She and Nino shared (yet another) knowing look. At this point, it was only a matter of gravity.

Adrien's eyes flicked over to her hand joined with Nino's. "Marinette, can I hold your hand?"

" _No,_ Adrien," the designer replied in exasperation, getting a bit of her misplaced stubbornness back. However, at Adrien's pout, she relented, "...You can have a hug though." She let out a squeak as the blond nearly pounced her, wrapping her up in an inescapable bear hug.

That day, they took Adrien out to his very first concert. The blond was absolutely fascinated by Jagged Stone's hard metal rock, though he admitted he didn't really understand what was being said. Which is when he asked the question:

"Hey, do they make music about love?"

None of them, Marinette included, could keep themselves from breaking out into laughter.

~o~

Somehow, Adrien found himself in tears again. He stared up at the ceiling from his bed, earbuds in, clutching Nino's borrowed iPod to his chest as the waves of lyric and melody washed over him. He handled himself well enough throughout all the poppy, crooning songs about first loves and broken hearts, though he had to shoo away Plagg several times when the KWAMI came to check that he wasn't dead.

Then he came upon _Romanza_ and all was lost.

Before even the first song "Por ti volaré" was through, a dam had broken and his eyes had filled up with tears again. Strangely, his heart didn't shatter this time. Instead, it swelled, as though overflowing with indescribable longing. Like it was fit to burst from its cage, flying to the object of his affections.

And all he could think of was Marinette.

Adrien let out a soft pant, his cheeks flushed as his blood seemed to flutter. _Oh..._ This _was_ different. The epiphany was slow in coming, but now that he knew... _Oh,_ how he knew. Simple lust had nothing on this. That only spoke to his body. Love though. Love was like _magic._ Love wove underneath his skin, into his heart, into his very soul. No wonder it took him so long to understand. It was so profound, but so simple. Like seeing in color. He didn't even know that it was missing until it was suddenly _there._

Letting out a wet laugh, he smiled like a loon as he tugged a pillow against him. Marinette was wrong. He _was_ in love. He was in love with _her._ It was a certainty. An undeniable truth.

He couldn't wait to tell her.

~o~

"Adrien, you're not in love with me."

The future-boy stared at the young designer, his jaw slack and his giddy mood crushed by that simple sentence. "Wh- Yes, I am!" he insisted hotly, more than a little indignant that he was being told what he was feeling. He should know better than anyone.

Marinette, however, was unmoved. "I told you, Adrien. You don't know anything about me, so you can't be in love with me. You're just infatuated, that's all."

In _what_ now?

Adrien let out a growl of frustration, running his hands through his hair as he tried to make sense of this. In lust. In love. In fatuated. There was basically just a never ending list of 'in's! How was someone supposed to keep track of this all!

"Don't you think you're being a little hard on him?" Nino asked, coming to his defense. The usual four were at Jacques Genin for hot chocolate to warm up from the winter cold. The weather was certainly a far cry from his recent trip to sunny Sao Paolo, which was doing nothing for his mood. "He's grown a lot in these past weeks. You're not even giving him the chance to find out."

"Well, maybe I don't want him to find out," Marinette suddenly bit out, startling all of them. Her cheeks flushed with heat and anger, hands gripping underneath the tablecloth. "I don't want to fall for someone whose sole purpose in life is to go off and procreate as much as possible! I said I just wanted to be friends. What's wrong with that? Why are you all trying to force this on me? Why does no one care what I want?"

Adrien stared as he watched Alya gently hush her friend. His stomach wrenched as he saw her eyes glitter with unshed tears. He felt _sick._ Worse, he had no idea how to get around this. Not unless... Oh no. Plagg was right. He was right all along. This was awful.

~o~

"What do you mean you can't go to Moscow?"

"I mean, I don't feel like it," Adrien replied petulantly, glaring at his two caretakers from the crack in his bedroom door. "I don't feel well and I don't want to go somewhere that's -9℃. Just- Leave me alone!" With that, he slammed the door on Tikki and Plagg, retreating back into his room.

"Teenagers!" the black KWAMI cried in exasperation, while Tikki looked worriedly at the packed bags in the foyer. "Adrien, get your butt out here, right now! It's bad enough you're not procreating with actual humans, but you can't go shirking this off!"

"Мне по́хую!" the blond spat back rudely.

"Hey! Don't cuss at us!" Plagg hollered in outrage.

Tikki worried her lip, before she experimentally tapped on the door. "Adrien?" she called, "does this have anything to do with Marinette?"

The long, terse silence that followed was answer enough.

"Ruiner!" Plagg hissed venomously under his breath.

Tikki hushed him sharply, before she called to the young teen. "Do you want to talk about it?" When more silence answered, she went ahead and invited herself in. Honestly, his privacy was just an illusion in this house in any case. She found the boy curled up in bed, folded protectively around himself as he listened to the borrowed music from Nino's iPod. The red KWAMI gently tapped him on the shoulder, drawing his attention up to her. She smiled sweetly down at him. "Adrien, did Marinette say something to upset you?"

"...She doesn't want me to be in love with her," the blond answered sullenly. "She doesn't like what I'm here for." His expression twisted, trembling hands clenching tightly around the iPod. "I can't help it. I can't help any of it. I don't know what to do..."

"She disapproves of what it is you're doing?" Tikki asked gently.

Adrien shook his head, hiccuping faintly. "She's not telling me to stop. She just... doesn't want anything to do with it."

"I see..." the red KWAMI said softly, "That is a pickle. I'm so sorry, Adrien. This must be very rough on you."

"You're not actually sad," Adrien said, his expression turning dark. "You can't feel sad. You're just a bunch of programming designed to act human. You can't give me what I need. I need other humans. I need _her."_

Tikki sighed, ever sympathetic despite the insult. "Adrien, you're a very smart boy. You know very well what's at stake. Surely, she should understand that too. Otherwise, she might not be right for you."

"Don't say that," Adrien whispered, his heart shattering at her words.

"It's true, dear," Tikki replied. "It happens all the time. Irreconcilable differences. It doesn't mean your love isn't real. But you might just have to learn how to let her go."

The blond stared at the red KWAMI, his soul beginning to crumble. Without a word, he pushed himself up and away from her, storming out of the room past his other more indignant caretaker. His blood pounded in his ears, an increasingly familiar pain wringing his heart. He ignored their cries after him as he pushed out of the doors. He didn't stop until he had left the estate completely, too heated to notice the freezing cold as he strode out in just jeans and a long-sleeve shirt. He didn't care. He just had to _move._

About a mile away, he began to regret his decision. Parts of him were cold to the point of numbness, every part of his body shivered. It even hurt to breathe, icy cold coming through his chapped lips. That was when the limo pulled up next to him on the sidewalk.

The tinted window rolled down and a chic blonde girl peered out at him. Adrien vaguely recognized her as one of Marinette's classmates. "Need a lift?" she asked, peering at him over her sunglasses.

"I- uh, y-yeah," he admitted abashedly, teeth chattering. The door opened and he gladly got inside the heated car and out of the cold. "Th-thanks. Th-that was k-kind of dumb."

"Not a problem," the blonde replied, airily fluffing her pony-tail. "You're Adrien, right? Adrien Agreste?"

Adrien blinked at that. That was certainly the alias he was using. The one that Tikki and Plagg had uploaded when they hacked into every identity registry imaginable. Still, that shouldn't have been so easily available. "Uh... y-yeah..." he answered slowly, "How do you-?"

"They talk about you at school," the girl replied dismissively. "Some kind of child prodigy that graduated early. Degrees in mathematical physics, chemistry, and biodiversity from UPMC. You live in that mansion on Boulevard Saint-Germain, no? You must come from a particularly well-off family."

Again, all things that were a part of his profile. Plagg had insisted that being wealthy and successful were desirable traits in a mate. Hence, the subterfuge. Although Adrien _knew_ he hadn't disclosed that to Marinette, Alya, or Nino. None of them would believe it or be remotely impressed by it - even if he _did_ have the educational equivalent to those degrees.

The blonde girl leaned in, smiling sharply at him. "My name is Chloe Bourgeois. It might be good for you to know someone like me. My father is the Mayor of Paris. He's one of the most influential men in Europe. He's also incredibly rich."

"...I'm sorry, what does that have to do with you?" Adrien asked, genuinely perplexed.

Chloe balked. "Excuse me?"

"Well... wouldn't it be better to know your father, than to know you? It's not like you're the powerful one," the future-boy reasoned.

The blonde girl cried, "Wh- How dare you! I'm his daughter, you fool!"

"Yeah, but you haven't told me about anything you've accomplished..." Adrien started, before he was summarily cut off again.

"You rude, disrespectful idiot!" Chloe hissed, her blue eyes going wide with anger. "Have you no tact?!" This was something that he was accused of often, so it wasn't worth arguing. However, she recovered herself and smoothed down her prickly edges. "Well, never mind that. I suppose no one can be perfect. There's no reason why you can't be molded into a proper gentleman."

Molded?

Adrien frowned, not at all liking this line of conversation. She was expecting something out of him. He could tell that much by now. He glanced outside, wondering if he could make a break for it. "Um, I think that's my street. Maybe you could just drop me off?" he said as he watched the street go straight by.

"Oh none of that. Stay a little while," Chloe said as she sidled over to his side of the limo. She put a hand over his shoulder, leaning in with a heavily perfumed scent. A sharp shudder ran down his spine, which was foreign to him. After all, he was designed to lie with many women. Why would one in particular give him chills? "Tell me about Marinette. You seem to be close to her. Is she your girlfriend?"

"She's... a friend," Adrien replied carefully, using the label she employed herself.

"Oh? So then you're available?" she asked, sliding a hand over his chest and underneath the hem of his shirt.

"I-I wouldn't _really_ say that," he replied, fibbing just a little as he delicately pulled her hand away. Technically, he belonged to the world.

"Oh come now. You're a hot-blooded young man," she purred, relentless in her physical attention to him. "It wouldn't _really_ hurt anyone if you... strayed just a little bit?"

Adrien's stomach roiled in discomfort. This was the sort of thing that Plagg expected him to do. To just get on with it and proliferate. To sow his wild oats. It made sense for him to just give himself over to this girl. That was his purpose. If it hadn't been for Marinette, who'd denied him from the start, he'd probably just be blithely doing his duty without a care in the world. He wouldn't know what love was. He wouldn't even have been _human._

Good God. What would have he become if she hadn't said no?

"No," he said, firmly pushing the blonde girl back. "I'm sorry, but no thanks. It's very nice of you to offer a ride, but I think I'll be getting out now."

"You! You dare refuse me!" the girl shrieked in outrage. "Do you not know who I am?!"

"The unaccomplished daughter of some accomplished person," Adrien replied, his hand scrabbling for the door handle. He called to the driver. "Hey! Let me out, please!" The car slowed down and he all but fell out of the car in his haste to get out.

"You're going to regret this!" Chloe shrilled after him as he bolted up to his feet.

"Don't worry, I already do!" he declared as he hurried away. The girl didn't make a move to go after him, letting him run back towards his street. Or... or was it that one? Maybe he'd gotten it wrong. The cold was even worse now that it was darker and he wrapped himself tightly in his own arms. That street was... was familiar. He knew that one. So he walked down it, becoming colder by the minute as he desperately tried to conserve energy.

That was when he realized. Marinette's bakery, her home. No wonder. He knew this neighborhood better than his own. How often had he come down this way, giddy with excitement at the thought of seeing her? Now, the prospect only filled him with dread. Would she want to see him? If he turned back towards his home, could he make it?

A chill blasted, going straight through him. No. No, he wasn't going to. Besides, Marinette might not want to see him, but she probably wouldn't want him dead either.

Teeth chattering and knees knocking, somehow he made it to the bakery door. It was two minutes after closing, but he tried the handle anyway. Locked. Then he knocked on the door, hoping that someone would see him. That was when he recognized Tom's large figure come out of the back and to the door. "Adrien, my boy!" the baker said in horror as he opened up the bakery door. "What are you doing out in the cold like this? Come in, come in! Sabine, come down here!"

With that, he was ushered inside the bakery and into the back. There were stairs there that he was never aware of before, leading up to their actual residence. The two parents immediately fussed over him, wrapping him up in blankets and getting him tea, all while interrogating him about what he was doing out in the cold in the middle of the night. However, his teeth chattered too much to answer properly.

Eventually, Marinette came out to investigate the ruckus, heading down from the stairs leading to her attic bedroom. "Hey, what's going- A-Adrien?!" she cried in surprise, physically taken aback as she saw the nearly blue future-boy sitting in her living room.

"He was wandering outside in the cold like this," her father explained. "Do you know his father's number? We need to call him up."

"Um, yeah, Nino might have it. Let me go ask him," Marinette replied quickly, hurrying back upstairs to get her phone. She got the number soon enough and had passed it off to her father to do the talking. She just hoped that all the kinks were worked out of the parental unit before her father called him up.

Her hands wringing with worry, she turned on the boy that her mother continued to fuss over. "Adrien," she said, unsure, feeling incredibly awkward. "Are you okay? Did something happen at home?" She could only hope that this had nothing to do with the blow up she had at the chocolatier. It shamed her afterwards, but everyone just kept _pushing_ her.

The blond only gave her a shaky smile. "Flowers are so contradictory," he murmured, mostly to himself.

Before Marinette could make sense of it, her father came back to the living room. "Adrien, your father is coming to pick you up. He should be here soon."

Adrien nodded, his expression unreadable as he sipped his tea. Soon enough, his robot father arrived with a limo. Mr. Agreste's expression was as severe as ever, probably because he only had one setting, thanking her parents coldly before he brought the blond downstairs to the car.

As the trio watched the car pull away, her father put a hand on her shoulder. "Marinette, maybe you should go and check on your friend tomorrow," he suggested, with no expectations. However, she could tell that he didn't much care for Adrien's robot dad.

Still it wasn't a bad idea...

~o~

The next day, Marinette arrived at the mansion's gate, dressed warmly with a box of cookies in hand. For the first time, she was meeting Adrien alone and it made her nervy with anxiety. Still, it was time. There were things they needed to talk about privately and well... Adrien was mature enough now that he had managed to grow some sense.

However, her first obstacle was getting through the front door.

"RUINER!" Plagg's voice crackled over the intercomm. "You're not welcome here! Just go away!"

Marinette's lips set into a determined line, her distaste for the black KWAMI apparent in her expression. "Tikki, can I come in?" she addressed the security system, knowing full well both consciouses were there.

She was surprised when the kindly KWAMI answered, "I'm sorry Marinette. Perhaps it's not a good idea? Adrien isn't feeling very well right now."

The twist in her stomach worsened. "Is he sick?" she asked urgently.

"Yes, he is suffering from a fever. _No thanks to you,"_ Plagg growled darkly.

It was becoming clear that she wasn't welcome, but she wasn't about to let a couple of super-intelligences stop her. "Well, if he's sick, then you have to let me see him!" she insisted. "I know lots of- of ancient human remedies that can help with colds and fevers. Very potent and powerful ones. You need to let me in, for his sake."

There was a rather long pause as the KWAMI deliberated amongst themselves.

"Okay, please come in," Tikki said cheerfully over the line, clearly having won out.

Marinette let out a sigh of relief as the gates opened, allowing her entry. Unsure, she walked up to the front doors and let herself in. She let out a small yelp when a huge hulking man loomed over her in the foyer, staring down at her with an intense gaze. "Please hand your offering to the bodyguard unit," the robot dad said from one of the lower doors. A little weirded out, Marinette obeyed. Only then was she escorted up to Adrien's room, outside which Tikki and Plagg waited.

"You better not be lying about those remedies," Plagg said threateningly as Marinette put a hand on the door.

"Just let me see him first," she said. She knew enough from her mom about what kinds of remedies would help make Adrien comfortable. It was just a matter of figuring out what was wrong. As she opened the door, a wet cough greeted her, making her heart pang in distress. Adrien was curled up underneath his covers, looking flushed and miserable, letting out a cough every once in awhile. Slowly, Marinette made her way over to his bedside, waiting for him to notice her. "H-hello," she greeted, once his eyes focused on her.

As ever, his lips stretched into a bright smile at the sight of her. "H-hello, Marinette," he replied warmly, before another coughing fit seized him. At once, the designer went to him, putting a hand on his back. "M'sorry..." he apologized weakly.

"Don't," she hushed, rubbing his back. "Don't be silly. You're ill. Now tell me what's wrong." Dutifully, he described his symptoms, cold-hot prickles, overheated head, coughing, stuffy face. After that, she asked for hot water, cold water, ginger, honey, peppermint, and yarrow. She tended to him with a cold compress and tea, fussing over him until he was comfortable. Somehow, he _still_ managed to look so handsome even as sick as he was. In fact, the flush to his skin was doing some rather terrible things to her, which she stubbornly pushed to the back of her mind.

Once Adrien was looking a little better, she finally broached the question, "Adrien, what were you doing out in the cold like that yesterday?"

The blond flushed, with embarrassment instead of fever. "I lost my temper with Tikki and Plagg and I ran out. It was stupid," he admitted under his breath.

"Well... no, not the brightest idea," Marinette agreed, a faint smile touching the edges of her lips. Her fingers fidgeted around the edge of his blanket. "You didn't run out because of me, did you?" she asked softly.

Adrien went silent. As he did whenever he wasn't willing to lie, though he now had the wherewithal to not spout off the first thing to come to his mind.

Her stomach roiled with guilt. She hadn't meant to reject her puppy so violently or in front of Alya and Nino. If she could, she would have done everything differently. "I'm sorry," she whispered, ducking her head down to stare at her fingers. "I didn't mean to upset you."

The boy gave an uncomfortable shrug. "You can't help what you feel, I suppose," he said, not quite able to look her in the eye. "I wasn't lying though."

"About what?" she asked softly.

"About being in love with you," Adrien answered, just a bit of heat in his voice. His green eyes darted to her, making it hard to breathe from the sheer intensity of his gaze. "I'm not lying. I'm not in fatuated. I love you, Marinette."

A blush spread over her cheeks unwillingly. "Why?" she asked, only expecting confused and inarticulate silence once more.

Instead, Adrien answered in a warm and fervent voice, "Because, you make me human. _Made_ me human. You-" A cough interrupted his speech, making him flush again. When he recovered, he said, "Marinette, sometimes, you just know. And I _know._ Thanks to you."

Marinette felt a warm tremble go over her. It was hard, _really_ hard, to not be affected by his words. In a way, she loved him too. He was hers. Her responsibility. Her puppy. Even though he was quickly outgrowing that mantle. "Adrien, I..." she said, trying to tell herself why this was a terrible idea, "I know what you're here for. I know what... _expectations_ come from being with you and I just- I can't handle that. I don't want to be just some baby-machine in the future."

A strangely bewildered look came over Adrien's face. "Wait... _that's_ what you meant?" he asked. "Not me running off around the world?"

"What, no! Of course not!" Marinette replied. "You go off and do that until you can't walk straight. I don't care. But Plagg made it extremely clear that when you're in a relationship you're supposed to..." the designer gestured awkwardly with her hand, not sure how to explain. The blond understood anyway.

"You shouldn't really listen to what Plagg says," Adrien said quickly. He had been getting that lesson over and over again ever since he awoke. The black KWAMI meant well, but he was certainly more overly-protective of the pair. Tikki was the one who was willing to let him spread his wings and fly. "Marinette, can I hold your hand?"

She blushed and nodded. His hand wrapped around hers, interlacing their fingers as he gave it a gentle squeeze. "Thank you for telling me no, over and over again. I needed it. You helped me grow. So, the thing is..." he smiled, his green eyes warm, "I don't mind if you keep telling me no. If you don't mind me loving you. I'm happy to do whatever you like."

The blush on Marinette's face only worsened, until it seemed as though she were the one with a fever. "So... if I decided I never wanted to have kids, you'd be okay with that?"

"I think at that point, it won't really matter if you do or not," Adrien replied, a grin spreading across his lips. Then in a soft and hopeful voice, he asked, "So... does that mean I'm allowed to love you?"

His heart soared when Marinette slowly nodded, her lips breaking into a shy smile.

Excitedly, he asked, "Marinette, can I kiss you?"

"No."

"...No?" he echoed slowly, his eyes widening.

Marinette's smile broadened at the utterly devastated look on the boy's face. "Maybe when you're not sick," she replied fondly, lifting up his cold compress to press a chaste kiss to his brow.

Beaming, Adrien settled back into bed. Basking under her attention. Then he asked, "Any chance you want to go to Moscow with me?"

"Absolutely not."

~o~

Milan was a different story.

And promised on the list was also New York, Los Angeles, London, Berlin and Barcelona, all over summer vacation. Paid for using whatever mysterious funds that Tikki and Plagg had procured into Adrien's immense bank account.

Some point soon, Adrien knew, he was going to have to figure out what he wanted to do beyond traveling. For now, he was perfectly content to spend his free time with Marinette and their friends and try to coax her to some fashion capital of the world over the weekend. She _usually_ said no.

Tikki all but adopted Marinette as her own, when it became clear that Adrien wasn't giving her up. Plagg was significantly slower to trust the 'ruiner', but eventually...

"Plagg, stop sending dick pics to Marinette!" Adrien cried, flustered and embarrassed, as he glared up at the black KWAMI. "She doesn't like it!" Not to mention, there was that whole issue of _consent._ Adrien didn't know how the little devil kept taking candid pictures of him, but it was bordering on creepy.

Plagg gave the teenager an arched look. "Well, when are you two going to actually have sex?"

"Th-that's none of your concern!" Adrien replied tartly. Not that he was embarrassed by the act, but it was pretty annoying to be asked about it over and over again.

"Yes, it is! I need babies, damn it!"

Groaning, the blond ran his hands down his face as he willed himself to be patient. He wondered, honestly, if Plagg had any idea how much he sounded like a senile mother demanding grand-babies. "You know what? I'm going to just- I'm going to go. We'll talk later," he decided, making a break for it.

Paris was warming with the spring sunshine, but he grabbed a jacket anyway as he headed out for his usual weekly excursion with Marinette and their friends. His circle was slowly expanding, drawing in more people as he grew used to living under his new identity and accustomed to social niceties. Today though, it was the core-four, which were his favorite.

"Good morning!" he said cheerfully, meeting Alya and Nino in front of Marinette's bakery. At their sly looks, he grew decidedly worried. He learned that it was never a good thing when they had those looks. "...What is it?"

"Guess who got voted cutest couple at Francoise-Dupont!" the blogger said excitedly, pulling out her smartphone to pass off to the blond. On it was an article in the student newsletter with a picture of him and Marinette sharing the same scarf underneath some pink spring blossoms.

"Um... I don't even go to your school..." Adrien frowned. "And how did they get this picture?"

"I might've slipped it in~" Alya said with a smug smile. "I mean, you two are stupid cute."

What was _with_ everyone taking pictures of him?

"Good morning," Tom called from the bakery, waving the teens into the warm shop. "Come in, come in! We just pulled out a batch of croustade. Help yourselves."

"Marinette will be down in a minute," Sabine called from the back of the shop, while they snacked on the warm pastries. The designer appeared a moment later, sending a dark look in Adrien's direction as she came round the back. Oh dear. She was still pissed.

Adrien gave her his most winning smile and said, "Good morning, Marinette. Can I kiss you?"

"...You don't have to keep asking," she muttered, while the observers giggled at her blushing discomfort.

"I like asking," he replied with a grin, giving her a chaste peck on the cheek for her benefit. With that, all was forgiven, as her lips spread into a small smile. "You ready to head out?"

"Now, wait, wait," Sabine said, bringing out her phone. "You two look so nice today. I want a picture."

...Again?

However, they dutifully posed in front of the door, grabbing a second one with Alya and Nino.

Sabine gushed over the photo, showing it off to her husband. "What do you think? Don't you think they'll make just the _cutest_ babies?"

Marinette stared at her mother in abject horror, her jaw dropping as she looked on her parents in betrayal.

All Adrien could do was break into laughter.


End file.
